I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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