I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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