dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
