I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
