Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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