My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
