I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
