she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
