I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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