I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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