So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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