i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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