Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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