A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
