Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
