You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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