we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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