god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
