My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize