I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize