My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
