we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
