I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
