Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
