Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
