Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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