Your mouth is God's brothel.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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