Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
