I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
