You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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