I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize