hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
