Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
