you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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