You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
tell me about the fingering
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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