:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize