Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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