Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
