I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
