Kiss
Puke
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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