i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
