this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
