I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize