just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Drunk is a universal language darling
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
