that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
