I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
