I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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