when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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