sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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