Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I met the friendliest cop last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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