my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
