You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
