where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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