My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
