I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
