"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
