eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
