is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
