she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
