she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize