why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
