so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
