Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
