I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
