This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize