So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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