This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
