i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
