nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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