Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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