I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
