I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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