Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
